Groundhog Day
by Beertree
Summary: Sideswipe spends way too much time on the Internet.


The Ark's lounge was unusually quiet for a weekday evening. Only Jazz, Bluestreak, and four minibots occupied the large room. All were busy with their own thoughts or tasks, and nobody was talking including Bluestreak who was furiously entering text into a datapad.

Sideswipe stepped into the lounge and looked around at the occupants. His optics glowed brightly with a new idea, a revelation that he was positive no one else had ever had.

The few 'bots present studiously ignored him and his brother, Sunstreaker, who stood behind him wearing an expression of infinite patience or resignation. Even he wasn't sure which.

Sideswipes' optics fell on Jazz whose gently tapping foot and bobbing head suggested that he was otherwise occupied. Bluestreak quickly glanced up from his datapad then looked down again hoping that Sideswipe hadn't noticed his attention. The minibots gathered around the tv, and pretended to watch it with rapt attention hoping that Sideswipe would leave.

But that was not Sideswipes' intention. When he had an idea he was going to share it.

Rubbing his hands together in anticipation he made his announcement. "Humans are crazy, did you know that?"

Sunstreaker, who knew what was coming, rolled his optics. "So are some Autobots," he sneered.

Jazz grinned slightly, his attention thoroughly captured by the potential of that announcement.

Bluestreak giggled nervously, fascinated despite a sneaking suspicion no good was going to come of this.

Cliffjumper turned a disgusted expression on Sideswipe. "Have you just figured that out?" he jeered.

The red Lamborghini ignored the minibot. "They predict the weather with a rodent," he announced, ridicule dripping from every word.

Jazz's smile grew. He was glad he came to the lounge today.

Bluestreak's optics widened with disbelief. Jazz glanced over at the young Datsun. Bingo, he thought. Sideswipe makes the pitch.

"They do what?" Bluestreak asked.

And he scores, Jazz added.

Sideswipe grinned hugely. "The humans use a rodent called a groundhog to predict the weather. They have a whole day devoted to it called Groundhog Day."

"What's a groundhog?" Bluestreak pulled the noose just a bit tighter. "Is that like Arnold Ziffle?"

Sideswipe looked confused, "Who's Arnold Ziffle?"

Jazz chuckled and laid a hand on Bluestreak's shoulder. "Arnold's a pig, with a pink snout and a curly tail. A groundhog is a rodent with fur and big teeth." He used two fingers protruding from his mouth to demonstrate. "It's also called a woodchuck."

Bluestreak nodded. "I understand," he said but clearly he didn't. "How do they predict the weather with a groundhog? Does it talk? Arnold talks sort of. At least, humans seem to understand him."

"Forget about Arnold Ziffle," Sideswipe said, exasperated with the silly questions from his audience.

"This is a groundhog." Sideswipe held up a picture of a fat, furry animal sitting in a top hat. Jazz was beginning to think that Sideswipe spent way too much time on the internet. "On February second, that's tomorrow, by the way, the groundhog comes out of its burrow and looks around. If it sees its shadow there will be six more weeks of winter. If it doesn't then spring will come early." He grinned triumphantly, having made his point about human insanity.

Bluestreak raised his hand timidly. Sideswipe's grinned faded to annoyance.

"What? And you don't have to raise your hand."

"How do the humans tell if the groundhog sees his shadow or not? And do they live in those hats? You said they come out of burrows. Those are holes in the ground, right? How big are they? It looks pretty big in that picture."

Sideswipe squinted angrily at the talkative gunner and opened his mouth to put him in his place when he caught Jazz's look. He closed his mouth with a click.

"Those are all good questions, Sides, m'man," Jazz said soothingly.

Sideswipe cheered considerably at the positive attention. "Yeah, yeah, they are. And I don't have all the answers," he admitted. "That's..." he paused waiting for everybody's undivided attention. He settled for Bluestreak's. "What I want to find out."

"Here we go," Sunstreaker muttered.

Sideswipe turned to his brother, throwing a fond arm over his shoulders. "Sunny, here, has volunteered to assist me in my quest for a groundhog."

Sunstreaker lifted the offending arm from his shoulder with distaste. "No, I haven't."

Sideswipe ignored him. "Anybody else want to go? I figure we leave right now and we should have a groundhog by sunrise."

The minibots turned their backs and went back to the tv.

Bluestreak grinned, totally won over by Sideswipe's enthusiasm and not even considering the possible outcomes . "Sounds great, I was getting kind of bored anyway. C'mon, Jazz, come with us."

Jazz stood up. "I wouldn't miss it for anything."

The four Autobots stood at the entrance to the Ark and peered out into the night.

Sunstreaker frowned. "It's snowing. I'm not going out in that. There'll be salt and all kinds of scrappin' slag on the road." He turned and headed back into the Ark.

Sideswipe grabbed his arm. "It's just a little snow. And you can wash the salt off when we get back."

"After it's corroded my entire undercarriage," he whined but didn't try to fight off his brother having exhausted every excuse he had compiled just for situations like this.

Bluestreak bounced with excitement, anticipating an adventure that didn't involve being shot at by Decepticons. "So, where do we find the groundhog?"

"Um, I guess in the woods. Or alongside the road..."

Sunstreaker dope-slapped his brother's head. "You idiot. You don't know?"

Jazz stepped to the rescue. "How about we try our luck along the old Mill Road. I think I've seen a groundhog or two along there. We can scan for them."

Sideswipe cheered up. "Great idea."

Sunstreaker glared at Jazz. "Thanks for nothing," he mumbled.

Jazz grinned, "No prob., Sunny."

"Let's go," Bluestreak called impatiently. He transformed and drove out into the light snow. The others followed, Sunstreaker trailing the caravan a good deal further behind.

To Sunstreaker's relief, the Mill Road had a very light dusting of snow, not even worth salting. They drove single file down the narrow track, Sideswipe leading the way.

"It's not too cold, is it?" Bluestreak chattered. "I think the clouds are breaking up. I can see a few stars. I don't think I've ever been on this road before. I bet Hound and Trailbreaker come this way all the time."

Sunstreaker cringed and shut his radio off. Jazz listened to a new tape he'd made and kept a scanner out for heat signatures that might indicate a sleeping groundhog.

"Got something," Sideswipe and Jazz announced at the same time. "It's pretty dim but I think it's an animal," Jazz continued.

"Yeah, yeah, same here."

The caravan stopped and transformed as one. Sideswipe scanned carefully along the roadside trying to pinpoint the tiny heat source. He stepped up onto the high berm and then stopped. He squatted down close to the ground.

"It's right here." He pointed at a spot on the ground.

"Just dig it out already," Sunstreaker growled.

"Maybe you should find the burrow entrance and get it out that way," Bluestreak offered. "No sense wrecking its whole home."

"Good idea, Blue," Jazz said.

"OK, so where is it?" Sideswipe looked around his feet without luck. "It's too dark, I can't see a thing."

"Turn on your lights, you moron," Sunstreaker offered. Sideswipe glared at him and then switched them on. The others did the same and Sideswipe began searching the brightly lit roadside again.

"Is that it?" Bluestreak asked, pointing at a small hole in the ground.

Sideswipe bent down to examine it. "I guess so. It's pretty small, isn't it?" He stuck his hand into the hole. "I'm not sure I can get my hand far enough in."

He pointed at the spot where the groundhog was supposed to be. "Can someone stand there so I can tell how far I have to go?"

Bluestreak cheerfully obliged keeping his lights on Sideswipe.

The red autobot pushed his hand deeper into the hole. Finally he was up to his shoulder but didn't seem any closer to the animal. He looked up and around at the audience. "I don't think this is going to work. I guess I'll have to dig it out after all."

He tried to pull his hand out with a gentle tug. He paused grinning sheepishly.

"Now what?" Sunstreaker sighed.

"Um, I'm stuck?"

"Oh, for Primus sake...Just pull it out. I think it's a little late to worry about this...this...thing's home."

"Ok, ok. You don't have to get so testy."

"Just being your brother makes me testy. This makes me want to smash your face."

A distant roar caught Bluestreak's attention. He worriedly scanned the night sky. "Did you hear that?" he asked no one in particular.

The twins ignored him but Jazz glanced up at the sky and listened.

Ooooooo

"Hey, I'm reading Autobots," Skywarp remarked to his wingmate, Thundercracker.

The blue Seeker, flying wing tip to wing tip with the purple and black Seeker, verbally shrugged. "So? We're only a few miles from the Ark. You should be reading more than a few Autobots."

"No, TC. I'm reading Autobots right under us."

"Heh, so you are," Thundercracker chuckled. "You know, 'Warp, we don't have to be back for a few more hours, let's check this out. Might be fun."

He banked away from Skywarp and circled back to where the readings were the strongest. Skywarp followed, anticipating a pleasurable few minutes of blowing Autobots to bits.

oooooooooo

"It's probably just some jets on a training mission," Jazz said as the rumble of the engines faded.

Bluestreak glanced at Jazz, reassured by the black and white Autobot's grin. "I hope so," he mumbled and looked back up at the starry sky. Bluestreak's hopes were dashed, though, when the jet engines grew loud again.

The two Autobots watched the outlines of two jets pass across the stars. Bluestreak's gun appeared in his hands. His targeting computer came online almost against his will.

Jazz placed a calming hand on Bluestreak's arm. "Let's not get too excited, yet," he said. His face went blank as he tuned to a private radio frequency. A moment later he refocussed on Bluestreak.

"Trust me?" he asked the gunner.

Bluestreak nodded warily.

Jazz grinned again. "Good." He kept his hand on Bluestreak's arm. "It's Thundercracker and Skywarp. TC doesn't want a fight but Skywarp does." He squeezed the Datsun's arm reassuringly. "I'm trustin' TC to handle Skywarp. Plus we have them." He nodded at the squabbling brothers. "Just stay calm and don't give them a reason to start shooting."

Bluestreak nodded but continued to shift nervously from foot to foot. The light from his headlights flickered about Sideswipe, casting crazy shadows.

"Hey, hold still, will ya?" Annoyed, Sideswipe looked over at Bluestreak, another nasty remark ready until he saw Bluestreak's nervous expression and the gun in his hands. "What's wrong?"

The question caught Sunstreaker's attention. His bored expression turned to concern.

"Company's comin'," Jazz replied. "Thundercracker and Skywarp." The twins' expressions hardened. "They know we're here and there's not much we can do about it."

The Seekers bore down upon the four Autobots on the side of the road. Circling one last time, they transformed and landed with heavy thuds on the hard ground. They faced the Autobots, rifles armed and ready and pointed at four mechs.

Sideswipe jumped to his feet, his arm destroying the entrance to the groundhog burrow and spraying dirt and rocks in all directions. Sunstreaker crouched, ready to attack.

Jazz calmly stepped between the brothers and the Seekers, grinning disarmingly. "Now, no need to fight," he remarked meeting Sideswipe's and Sunstreaker's optics and mentally urging them to take his advice.

Skywarp brushed clumps of dirt from his canopy. "I don't know, sounds good to me."

Thundercracker laid a firm hand on Skywarp's wing, squeezing lightly. The purple jet tried to shrug off the restraining hand, but Thundercracker squeezed harder. Skywarp winced glaring at his wingmate.

"Y' know, 'Warp, things have been pretty quiet this evening. No shooting, no painful injuries. Megatron and Starscream are far away. Why don't we just keep it that way, huh?"

Skywarp glanced around at the armed and nervous Autobots, seemed to consider Thundercracker's words and relaxed. "Yeah, ok," he muttered. "Anyway, it might be fun watching Autobots being stupid."

Sunstreaker bristled but held his position. "Slag off," he growled.

"Now, Sunny," Jazz interceded. "They've promised to play nice so why don't you and Sides keep on diggin' that hole seein' as how Sides has gotten such a good start on it," he drawled easily, gesturing at the mess on the ground. "I, for one, would really like to see this weather predictin' critter."

Skywarp stared at the brothers as they unenthusiastically returned to the hole in the ground. "What the slag are you doing?" he asked.

"They're lookin' for a groundhog," Jazz supplied cheerfully.

"What is a slaggin' groundhog? Why would there be a pig in the ground?" Skywarp looked totally confused. Thundercracker just watched Sideswipe dig while Sunstreaker offered useless advice and whining commentary about the damage being done to his paint.

Bluestreak giggled nervously and said, "Not a pig. A groundhog."

Unfortunately, this attracted the Seekers' attention. Two pairs of red optics stared appraisingly at him. He skittishly raised his electron rifle wishing he could keep his mouth shut.

Skywarp dismissed his presence with a sniff of disdain, but Thundercracker held his stare before dimming one optic in a slow wink and turning back to the holedigging.

Bluestreak lowered his rifle in confusion and then relaxed. The blue Seeker obviously remembered their encounter months ago when he had, against every instinct, offered to help the badly damaged Decepticon. The Datsun grinned but didn't subspace his rifle. Instead he held it loosely at his side. Just in case, he thought.

"Move it, Blue," Sideswipe grunted irritably. Bluestreak shook himself from his thoughts and stepped aside quickly when he saw that the red Lamborghini had enlarged the burrow to the spot where he was standing.

"Oh, hey, you're almost there. You know, looking at the hole and everything, this groundhog can't be very big." Bluestreak frowned as a sudden thought hit him. "You're not going to hurt it, are you? I mean, it looks like the sun is about to rise and after you get it to predict the weather, you'll put it right back, right?"

"Yes, yes, I'll put it right back, Blue," Sideswipe told him impatiently.

He stuck his arm down the hole at Bluestreak's feet and fished around for a few seconds. "I think I felt it...HEY! Frag the little beast. It bit me!"

Sideswipe jerked his arm out of the hole and leaped to his feet a tiny animal clinging tenaciously to his index finger. Bluestreak watched horrified as red and black 'bot raised his arm to shake the beast off.

"No, don't!" the young gunner shouted and slammed his shoulder into the larger Autobot's torso.

The two went sprawling in the mud, Sideswipe's astonishment at Bluestreak's sudden attack apparent in his face. He tried to kick the young Autobot off but Bluestreak seemed to be possessed, and he couldn't budge him. They rolled around in the mud until Bluestreak came up on top straddling Sideswipe's chest and holding Sideswipe's wrist with both hands.

Bluestreak stared at the tiny groundhog, its teeth embedded in Sideswipe's finger. Sideswipe stared at Bluestreak in utter shock. Jazz clutched his chest with both arms and roared with laughter. The two Seekers nearly collapsed into each other as they laughed uncontrollably. Sunstreaker shook his head in disgust.

"Scrap, Blue, what in the pit are you doing?" Sideswipe growled at him.

"You were going to hurt it," Bluestreak accused the warrior.

Letting go of Sideswipe's wrist with one hand, he gently, very gently, grasped the groundhog and plucked it from Sideswipe's finger. Sideswipe examined his wounded finger carefully while Bluestreak cradled the animal in the palm of his hand. The frightened groundhog whistled in terror and tried to scramble away.

"He's kind of cute," Bluestreak observed sending everybody off into helpless laughter again. Bluestreak looked hurt. "Well, he is. And he's scared..."

Jazz, still weak with laughter, interrupted him, "The sun's up, Blue. Does he see his shadow?"

"Uh, I don't know..." He peered at the little animal and spotted the creature's shadow. "Hey, yeah, look. He sees his shadow. Six more weeks of winter."

This set off more howls of laughter. Bluestreak grinned back finally realizing how ridiculous the whole situation was. He climbed off the warrior and lowered his hand to the ground allowing the groundhog to scurry off his hand and back into his worse-for-wear burrow.

Sunstreaker gave Sideswipe a hand up to his feet. "You're a mess," Sunstreaker observed distastefully. "Don't touch me."

"Slag off," Sideswipe swore at him and gave him a shove. The yellow Lamborghini staggered and fell into the mud. With a yell of outrage Sunstreaker leaped to his feet and lunged for Sideswipe. Sideswipe evaded his irate brother, transformed and sped off down the road squealing his tires. Sunstreaker followed, cursing the entire way.

"Well, that was worth it," Skywarp finally managed to observe.

"Told you it would be," Thundercracker replied, chuckling.

"And we can't even tell anybody about this."

"Nope," Thundercracker agreed, shaking his head.

"I guess we'd better go," Skywarp continued.

"Yep." Without a backward glance at the remaining Autobots, the jets launched themselves into the sky, transformed and disappeared over the trees.

Bluestreak and Jazz watched them go. The Datsun bent down and picked up his rifle. He gave the muddy weapon a rueful glance before subspacing it. "I guess I'll be busy when we get back," he sighed

Jazz slapped him on the shoulder. "Well, you saw what having nothing to do got you," Jazz teased.

Bluestreak grinned at the black and white Porsche. "I think I'll stay away from Sideswipe for a while. His kind of fun is hard on the fuel pump."

Jazz laughed. "Just think how that poor groundhog must feel."


End file.
